there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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