Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
