This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
