I just pynch a tree in the face
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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