If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
