The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
