you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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