ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
