I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
