I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
