he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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