Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
