I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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