there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
