i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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