after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
