Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
