I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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