Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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