the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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