she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
