u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
