I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
