i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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