So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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