Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
