you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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