I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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