So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
