She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
