I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
