Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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