I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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