i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
