we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
