so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
