so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
