I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
