Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
