i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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