I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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