I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
