I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
