So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
