do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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