Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
