party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
