I looked at my own cervix.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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