i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
