I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
