On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
