Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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