I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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