im drinking this country out of the recession.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize