Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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