It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
