She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
