im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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