he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
