Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize