...so i touched it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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