OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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