for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
