me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just gargled with NyQuil
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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