I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
