I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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