I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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