oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize