Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
