My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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