so that wasnt chicken after all
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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