I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
