Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize