Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
