I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
