R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
