This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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