I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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