awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
