He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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