I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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