You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
